Wednesday February 6, 2013

{a little house cleaning}

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i had a wonderful time with my family last week. just reese and i {and my girlfriend summer who’s family is also from cincinnati}..
quite the adventure. so fun!

i missed shayne and the other kids terribly.
and for the first time since i can’t remember didn’t really cry when i hugged my parents goodbye..
the excitement of getting back here, back to us being our own little family unit again. complete.
well, that thought outweighed the sadness of leaving.

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got to see an old friend i hadn’t seen in 13 yrs. make memories with a new one. and be with my very best one of all!

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then came monday.
 
and with it the reality of mom to four again. wife. dirty house!!
bless their hearts they had tried to clean it for me. i know they did…
but why does no one notice those crumbs that stick to your feet around the kitchen table?
or the dried pee on the floor around the toilet, like mom does?

so i dove in. determined to get everything back in order. back to functioning smoothly..
back to peeless/ crumbless floors!

thing is. fixing surfacy things doesn’t always fix the attitudes of the heart.
and they affect the home way more! 

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pretty soon all those sweet sentiments just days before of “can’t wait to be home” were completely forgotten.
as was how quickly freshly scrubbed floors become filthy again with the first snack someone eats or hurried potty break! 
and speaking of eating! was it really dinner again so soon?
hadn’t we just eaten.. like yesterday! but still.

and the kids. they certainly hadn’t learned to be more patient with each other while i was gone.
and shayne.. well, his mind reading skills hadn’t improved any either.
and then of course. doesn’t your period always come at like the best time, never!!
and suddenly you’re weepy and snappy and everything is even more magnified by those crazy stupid hormones.
and oh my word, someone PLEASE send me an email every night telling me to wash my face!
why do i ever think sleeping in my make up is a good idea?

so. i find myself standing in front of the mirror this morning.
flecks of mascara sprinkled all around my puffy eyes.
looking every bit the mess i feel.
what’s worse.. the mess i am in my heart~

and i feel my shoulders slump inside. that tug of defeat grabbing at my heart…
frustration at myself for once again allowing my selfishness to dictate my behavior. the mood of my home.

and i’m reminded of how i need so much more than just a good eye cream.
man! i need a renewed heart saturated in His truth.
because whatever my heart is filled up with is what is going to come out!

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far more than a clean house and nice meals and everything running on schedule,
what my kids need most from me {and husband too} is a mom & wife whose yes, often overwhelmed heart knows how to cling to the Rock that is higher than i. 

having a home that’s in order has it’s place. but having a heart in order is far more important!
somehow i feel if i ever get that last part right the other will come as well.

and i don’t know about you. but usually when i’ve had a glimpse of my true reflection there’s the temptation to camp out there awhile..
groveling a bit in the discouragement of the slow learner that i am.
~but that’s exactly where satan likes us to be! to keep us.
to have us live our lives defeated. reminding us of our failures. convincing us we’ll never change.

but the Lord sings a different song over us! and oh, if you could hear me right now i’d shout it..
a WHOLE DIFFERENT SONG ENTIRELY MY FRIEND!!!
of redemption and forgiveness and new beginnings.
of a victory already won. and the kind of grace that’s big enough to cover it all. all!
our inadequacies. our weakness. our mistakes. our short tempers. our pms. our selfishness. our ugliest of uglies..
 
clothed in His righteousness and set free by His mercy!! 

i’d be lying to say i really understand all that. that i can truly wrap my brain around it.
except this – – He accepts me just as i am but loves me too much to leave me that way.

and so He holds up the mirror. again and again.
showing me what it looks like to be transformed to His image.
and i continue to learn.. if yes, ever so slowly.

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amber.

36 thoughts on “Wednesday February 6, 2013

  1. quest4god

    I think women must have better “dirt perception”   I used to spend hours getting the house nice for my wife when she came home from dialysis, only to have her remark that the dish rag was filthy, etc.   And…my daughter has said that I need someone to help me learn “deep cleaning.” 

    Reply
  2. jennieanne84

    This really encouraged me as I read…thank you for sharing. So often I feel like that…like I can’t get it right…my attitudes are wrong…I get upset. BUT I so bad want to be just resting in JESUS.

    BEAUTIFUL PICTURES!

    Reply
  3. Elizabethmarie_1

    Oh I LOVE your pictures…and I really like the piano keys.
    I know exactly what you mean..and I think that yucky side of us comes out more at certain times during the month. (I know here it does! ;)

    Happy Middle of the week to you.
    XxOo

    Reply
  4. onehappymomma

    There is so much depth here, to just read it once is only scratching the surface of what lies in your heart, in my heart. But I am there with you, PMS and all.

    “I need a renewed heart saturated in His truth” No matter the hormones or the trials, HIS truth should be what governs us in our every moment.

    “He accepts me just as i am but loves me too much to leave me that way” Ah, that He could possibly love the monster I felt I was this past week, that is MERCY to the fullest.

    Thank you Amber. ♥

    Reply
  5. aSeriesofFortunateEvents

    A silly little prayer I pray sometimes, God, you gave me these hormones in this body, please help me handle them!!! lol

    But seriously, I do.

    I so feel you on this. You miss them and then you come home and it’s just not the idyllic thing you had in your mind.
    Love your words here and can so relate to this.
    I’m glad you got to have a fun time with your family and friends!!

    Reply
  6. lifeisadance

    Oh, if only we could learn to live in those emotions of overflowing love we feel when we’re not with our family!!
    Those feelings that remind us how good we have it.
    Why it is so easy to be so sidetracked on things that don’t matter??
    This was such a good reminder, and I loved your honesty  in it – the admitting, but then the worshipping.
    So so beautiful….
    And I love your pictures!!

    xoxo

    Reply
  7. purpleamethyst76

    Amber, I don’t like milk and I haven’t bought TUMS since I was pregnant with Sarah, but I have purposed to try to get more calcium into my diet.  I’ve been told it works wonders with the PMS symptoms.  :)

    Love the pictures, they pull me in.  So beautiful.

    Reply
  8. resolved2worship

    the last part, about God, not being able to wrap our minds around completely – cool thing is that He is okay with that, because He never gives up on us as you mentioned in many ways throughout the post. Cutesy little one there! gotta love that age~

    Reply
  9. down_onthefarm

    i am sobered and encouraged everytime i hear this song lyric that you quoted, “let our hearts be led my mercy.”
    because…”MERCY triumphs!”

    grateful. for THAT. for His awesome housekeeping inside my heart. always with an “upward spin.”
    even with slow learners like me. precious words amber, love this post. thank you. and pics too.

    Reply
  10. fwren

    I gave up several years ago thinking everything has to be “just so” anymore.  Now there is dust and yeah, some grime, here and there much of the time ~ other things are taking first place ~ and you know what?  It’s okay ~ so freeing to just not fret about it anymore ~

    Reply
  11. grace_to_be

    @purpleamethyst76 – i love milk! especially w/ cereal or my valentine colored m&m’s i’ve been eating lately ;) so drinking it to get more calcium could work against me.. or atleast, my hips. ;) maybe i should just look into some vitamins. :)))

    Reply
  12. grace_to_be

    @fwren – i’m so grateful for the older ladies in my life like you speaking down truth like this.. my mom was telling me the same thing the other day when i was talking to her about it all. and when i hung up the phone i thought of how NEEDED it is for us a little further back in the journey to hear from those who’ve already walked where we have.

    *thank you*

    big hug friend.

    Reply
  13. pettybunch

    I love how the Lord shows you His truths, and how you show others. I found myself dealing with heart issues recently that I didn’t know were there until one little thing happened…And there was the mess you spoke of! Words I shouldn’t have said, words I wish I COULD say, but can’t. Thankfully, my Lord knows my heart, and loves me still! Not only loves me, but shows me the way!

    P.S. Tonight was the first night in YEARS that I washed my face before going to bed!

    Reply
  14. H0LDfast

    you are beautiful. so really beautiful.
    the paragraph about mind reading, smeared mascara & badly timed periods was funny.
    which i know was not the point of this … being funny : )
    yay, yay & yay again for grace. for Jesus rescuing us.
    happy weekend. well friday first & then the weekend.

    Reply
  15. redladybug18

    I love your pictures! Vacations are fun but I always have a hard time getting back to REAL life again. And it seems, just like your situation, I always have an attitude adjustment that needs to happen soon after I get home. Don’t know why that always is. Maybe to keep me humble and dependent on Him.

    Reply
  16. clearlyhis

    I’m so way behind….and sketchy with keeping up to date on blogs and fb these days. But something pulled me into this one. I can relate to your words so well….and I’m so glad you added the part about the old deceiver wanting us to camp out on the self contempt site! ugh….that’s a pitfall I think I am especially prone to and being aware of that and praying against it is so important! Hugs to you beautiful talented lady…inside and outside…beautiful! Happy Valentine’s week! <3

    Reply
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