Tuesday August 17, 2010

{Oh, brother! and finding Home}

Note to Self:: when you need to talk to one of your brothers and they don’t seem to be responding – simply send a text telling him you’re in labor and can’t get a hold of anyone else in the family! the time between hitting send and hearing my cell ring was less than a minute!! i was laughing. he was not!  ~my facebook status last night



{love my boys!}

As one friend said –
“Ah, the perks of being a pregnant lady! ;) I’ve forgotten all the ways of exploiting it…. ;)”

Exactly.

*** ~ *** ~ *** 

Shayne is gone this week and the kids went with him to stay at his parents!
The house is so strangely quiet.
Surprisingly – I don’t like it.
I told Shayne to remind me of that on my next rough mommy day after the kids are back! ;)

It actually has been something that has struck me in such a deep way –
and I know it’s not the first I’ve felt this, but for some reason the acute awareness of it makes it feel like it is…
That regardless of the craziest toughest messiest most exasperating frustrating confusing noisiest disobedient whiniest tear filled mundane days as a mom~ I’ll take those ANY TIME over this. This… strange silence.

Though surrounded by a neat and tidy house –
Not a dish in the sink.
Not a sock in the dryer.
Not a bed unmade.
Not a fingerprint on the back door.
Yet, such a hallow feeling.

Our homes certainly are not made of bricks and stones.
They are living breathing human dwellings that walk beside us and house the things we truly love most~ 

Kate and I have been emailing each other each morning and night. Which has been so sweet.
She wrote, “I’m writing in my journal every day while I’m here. I don’t want to forget the places I learned to trust God more…” 

I picture her face even now and smile.

Yes. Though “home” – I’m not really.


¸.·´¸.·¨) ¸.·¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·´ (¸.·¨¯`♥ amber
 

39 thoughts on “Tuesday August 17, 2010

  1. appalolly

    To be honest, right now I feel like I could use a week of complete quiet to put things in perspective for me again!

    Hope you’re finding some fun things to do in your alone time.

    And I got a kick out of you tricking your brother. But I can see how he would not have found it quite as funny!

    Reply
  2. Hutch5

    P.S. and since a friend of mine will flip when she sees that i put up that shayne is gone ;) let me say…

    Note to those with any ill-will:: at any given time of day and especially at night i have 4 or 5 big burly 6ft guys around me!

    and just in case that raises eyebrows let me clarify – i’m talking my brothers and guys that work for my husband that are in and out around the house and property day to day

    =)

    Reply
  3. pettybunch

    I can so identify with your definition of home.  Since two of my three are married and now gone, and since I don’t live with my one who does remain hom – Bill and I are living with my folks and Dannye Reigh is living @ our home – my heart is unbelievably lonely much of the time.  I am learning to move on and even embrace this new (ish) phase of our lives, but the journey has occasionally been rocky!  I will say this – those memories you are making with your precious ones now become all the more precious later!  I wouldn’t change this normal and good progression of life.  If I did, I would’t have my sweet children-in-loves or my two (so far) precious grandchildren! 

    Do try to enjoy your solitude, and allow your Heavenly Father to make the most of it!  He loves having us all to Himself!

    Reply
  4. goffandfamily

    Enjoy your time to rest, reflect, and nest. :)  I know what you mean about wanting all the kids back after everything’s done/clean/organized.  It’s a weird feeling…almost boredom! 

    Reply
  5. lifeisadance

    This is such  sweet post! You with your brothers, the quiet moments in your house and yet them feeling empty, Kate’s sweet emails to you… You make me think to myself, “When I grow up, I want to be a mom like her. ” :)

    Reply
  6. godspinkmnm

    I had great aspirations of journaling my D.C. adventures each day. Alas, I am lucky to remember to brush my teeth… JK. But I love her point, “I don’t want to forget the places I learned to trust God more”… Been a tough week here. Learning to trust God with every moment. Thanks for sharing this. Love you!!!

    Reply
  7. willeywonderings

    LOVE those pics of your brothers… I have 3 (6+ footers) and I love them SO SO much. Yep, they caused me much grief over the growing up years but God has been working in our family and the last couple years I have realized how SPECIAL it is to have them!

      Aren’t we funny people…. we long for silence and then hate it when we get it?  Just remember school is JUST around the corner :) and you will need this week to remember the silence!

    Reply
  8. Elizabethmarie_1

    I hate being alone too!  It’s nice for an hour or two, and then like you said, not a dish in the sink, not a bed unmade….it’s lonely.  I know I will be a sad empty nester!  I was thinking of you earlier, went to the library and then ran across the street to the healthfood store and bought your little diaper rash stuff!  I was so proud of myself, now to mail it out to you………  I promise, you will have it by the time Baby Elizabeth  (You’re still naming her after me, right?!) comes! (Unless it’s tonight.)  Have a nice and quiet evening.  As lonely as it is, take advantage, and enjoy your time! =)

    Reply
  9. smilesbymiles

    I can think of a few things I’d do with a week of silence. ;) But yeah, I know that loneliness, too. I start missing the boys about 20 minutes after I leave them UNLESS it’s been too much too long then it takes, gulp, more like three or four days. I think. Haven’t left them that long in so long I can’t remember. :)

    Reply
  10. singingrachel

    LOVE the pictures of you and your brothers….   i really am hoping though that one of them won’t have to do the whole hospital thingy.   :)  It really could make a good story though….

    Enjoy the quiet….  why is it that when we don’t have something, it’s when we want it the most??????   But i agree, it also makes us so realize what makes our heart feel the most at rest.

    Reply
  11. Thebestthings

    I was just telling my husband yesterday that while these walls made a house it wasn’t a home anymore. We won’t have a “home” till we are all together again. And for the record, I can last about 4 hours with silence till I go mad and have to turn something on to break the silence.

    Reply
  12. Anonymous

    You got me smiling, and laughing!! :) You and your brothers kind of remind me of what it will be like when me and my brothers are grown~ Looks like ya’ll have a lot of fun together! Hope your days are filled with good things until they get back home!

    …Lydia…

    {p.s thanks for the sweet comment you left on my blog (http://www.livinglife4jesuschrist.blogspot.com) a while back, I enjoy hearing from you!!}

    Reply
  13. Hutch5

    @Elizabethmarie_1 – 

    we thought we’d decided on a name then shayne backed out, so now we’ve got about 5 or 6 we’re rolling around… or who knows – maybe we’ll give them all to her and change it randomly every few weeks. so sure, we’ll just tag elizabeth on there too!! ;)

    Reply
  14. floridayankees

    i know where you’re coming from, but I’d suggest you do some things you dream about doing when it’s near impossible to do (when the kids are home) a hobby, ect. or something to surprize them with when they get back, or a catching up project, those always make a mom feel better!

    Reply
  15. bakersdozen2

    Hey! i’ve been thinking about you in my many travels (~Ughhh! on the “travels” part)
    Saw your status the other day and really thought you were in LABOR!!
    Erin said, “I don’t think that’s what she’s saying, Mom” I’m glad she was right. This is a little bit early…. though I remember not thinking that way so much when I was where you are right now.

    I can relate to your situation. I’m so ready to stop traveling this summer and get on with school which is weird because (you know me. not my favorite thing in the world)
    Normal life begins to look good again when you’re thrown into a vortex. Ohhhhhh, How I began to pity the frequent flier this past week when dealing with all the frustration involved with this whole mess. Give me my “hum-drum” life at home and I’ll be happy. :D All we need is that change in routine to appreciate where The Lord has us at the moment. We head out again this Friday to get the girls settled at UVA….. and Mark leaves at the end of the month.

    I’m sooo looking forward to meeting this new one!!
    She’ll be as beautiful as her Momma, no doubt!!
    And she’s definitely blessed to have YOU as her Momma…. :D

    Reply
  16. aretheyallyours

    I cannot imagine being home all alone- don’t think I’d like that much, either! 

    When I was due with Gabe on April fools day of 2000, we were riding down the road and I told Scott that my water had broken- he did NOT think it was a funny April fools joke!  But I guess the joke was on me because he wasn’t born until the 13th -NINE days past my due date!

    Reply
  17. ABAHM

    You are a stinker, but I guess so was he I certainly know what you mean, as the rest doesn’t meet up with all the sweet loved ones. I am enjoying having my big ones around this week!!

    Reply
  18. DanishDoll

    Precious! I know you miss them, but just soak in the peace and rest! I always have a hard time adjusting after I have been to see my children, or they have been to see me. There is just this…. emptiness that takes getting used to.

    Reply
  19. foreveranoatneygirl_n2Hisown

    o my word! you had your brother SO stinkin’ good! yep, a pg woman is a strangely powerful force to reckon with! ;O)

    there’s been many a time when i’ve been on the phone with my mom, and she hears the despair in my voice over One More Fight with the kids and she’ll say; ‘i wish they could come to grandma’s house’ and my reply is usually something like; ‘o, just you wait, when they’re old enough, we’re sending them there for the SUMMER!’…..yet, i know that if and when my kids do get to go alone to grandpa’s house, i’ll be just as you are…realizing that the people are what make a house a home, the livin’ together is so much better than the not…

    always a great post Amber!!
    ♥~
    R

    Reply
  20. seekinHISwisdom

    LOVE the pictures of you with the “boys”!! You look like you are having so much fun!! :)

    Anyway, loud havoc get’s old, but quietness can soon be lonely!

    Hope you are feeling well and having a restful week. <3

    Reply
  21. JsSteph7

    Wow! Is it just you and 4 brothers?! What a fun way to grow up. The only little princess. :)

    My poor honey is at home alone with just the dogs and he’s hating it! lol It’s so true, you always think you could accomplish so much and maybe even enjoy that peace and quiet, but I think all the craziness has just become a part of us.

    Can’t wait to see your new little one!

    Reply
  22. malikimran

    The credit belongs to those who are actually in the arena, who strive valiantly; who know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spend themselves in a worthy cause; who at the best, know the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if they fail, fail while daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

    Reply
  23. tildystar

    you made me cry . i used to read “home is where the heart is” as placing more importance on the word “home”, but, really, it’s more about the “heart”. my heart is invested most w/ marks. and charlottes., therefore, home is with them. it’s so wonderful to be blessed as we are, so undeservedly.

    i’m sure you’ll find a way to enjoy being a single woman for a few days … and btw, are you one of those pregnant women who go the entire time w/o looking pregnant? seriously, lovely, where’s the belly?

    ~*

    Reply
  24. ChrisTnaLeigh

    I can relate to those alone times reminding to appreciate this time I have with my children! In the thick of the sleepless nights, whining, tantrums and diapers, it seems to go so slowly, but in hindsight, the past 14 years since my oldest was born has FLOWN by. In another 14 short years, my youngest, my “baby” will be 21! When I think about that, the last thing I want is a quiet house. Your word picture about our homes being made of living, breathing human dwellings is such a great reminder for me. It’s too easy, even while enjoying everybody at home, for me to notice the mess and let that rob me of the joy of these moments. Thank you!

    Reply
  25. Cluesy

    awe so sweet..love the fact Kate is writing you morning and night
    Must be lonely without them
    We crave the quiet and then we actually have it we miss the noise :)

    Reply
  26. down_onthefarm

    you naughty funny sister you!
    i have a feeling tho’ with all of those boys outnumbering the girls…
    it’s not even close to even-steven yet! so enjoy!

    happy for the together again. love.

    Reply

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